agreeing to projections without individuation (our own knowledge of ourselves — capacity, flaws, etc.) leads to disillusionment and pain. perhaps through disillusionment and pain — combined with the willingness and humility to acknowledge that we may have been wrong or we may have been naive — we find freedom and authenticity.

my individual work towards the divine feminine is acknowledging, examining, and bringing to light these moments i have acted from a wounded place — where i have repressed my authenticity, my obsessiveness, my critical nature, my inability to set boundaries, my insecurities, my manipulative nature. why else wouldn’t i have attracted the wounded masculine?

i appreciate both dene logan’s and naftali moses’ perspectives on who becomes first responsible for relating with these repressed parts of ourselves: the masculine or the feminine… i am not sure if it is that difficult to realize that continuously pointing fingers at the other (“burn the patriarchy!” or “she’s just too emotional and delusional!”) is helpful in the least. sure, the patriarchy lacks accountability at this present moment. continuously thinking that the other is the enemy does nothing but further the disconnect. and to be completely candid, this bitch doesn’t have time to sit around hoping for the other to do their own emotional labor, and it has been blindingly obvious that i cannot do the other’s emotional labor.

change begins with inner work — regardless if one is working towards the divine masculine or the divine feminine.

one of the most heartbreaking realizations i’ve come to is that we become the things we fear — and witnessing it in progress. i can tell a lot about a person by what they criticize, what they judge, what they complain about, who they refuse to turn into. without deep self-reflection, however, they are in a state of becoming their aversions. we are so fucking powerful as human beings — created in the divine image of god/the universe/source — that we have this gift of life — to experience in totality both our imprisonment and our freedom. we are given countless opportunities for self-reflection and growth via relationship — relationship with others, relationship with objects in our environments, relationship with ourselves.

spoiler alert: any “mental illness” indicates an unhealthy relationship with self.

oh — and an exercise for funsies for those who relate with me:

• what am i reflecting back to you about yourself?
• where am i provoking you?
• where am i causing discomfort?
• are my questions obnoxious? why? is it because you don’t like being challenged?
• am i not in a state of surrender enough for you? perhaps i do not feel safety in your woundedness
• am i not playful enough for you? perhaps you have not established safety and security to hold my nature

i love it when people try to define me or tell me who i am — good or bad — because it is telling me how limited by ego their perspective is. do you know how exhausting it is for me to fulfill your expectation of me?

at this moment in my life, i am just showing up as i am, keeping it real. libra is finished with people-pleasing. thanks, venus conjunct pluto in aquarius. it is devastating how we’ve operated in relationship with one another and ourselves, but i’m ready to use that devastation to rebuild.

no tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.

carl jung